


I came here to say goodbye

by araihc



Category: How to Get Away with Murder
Genre: Abusive Relationships, Angst, Gen, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Manipulation, Pre-Series, Unhealthy Relationships
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-23
Updated: 2017-02-23
Packaged: 2018-09-26 12:09:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,226
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9895892
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/araihc/pseuds/araihc
Summary: The story is set 8 years before the pilot, some months after the accident that caused Annalise to lose her child."Bonnie?”“Annalise?”“Bonnie, are you there? Get over here, now.”“Annalise, where are you?”“Hurry. Please, hurry.”





	

**Author's Note:**

> This is my very first work. 
> 
> I thank so much AudreyV and MrSchimpf for beta it and correcting the grammar (English's not my native language).
> 
> I hope you enjoy it, comments are warmly welcomed :)

“I came here to say goodbye.”

Sam was sitting at his desk, looking absently at some paper. Hearing that familiar voice, he looked up to meet the girl's eyes.

“Bon? What are you talking about? Annie finally letting you go on vacation?”

He managed to smile at her, but he was starting to feel nervous.  
A tear slipped down her cheek and the smile disappeared from his lips. He walked up to her. He took Bonnie in his arms and whispered in her ear.

“Hey. It's OK. It's all right. Don't you worry. You're all right.”

Sam knew how to handle a patient's breakdown, and with Bonnie he thought he knew exactly what to do and what to say. He expected her to burst into tears, but she didn't. She didn't relax in his arms either. Bonnie was so tense he could almost feel every muscle of her body tighten up to the breaking point. He gently raised her chin with his hand and forced her to look straight in his eyes. Bonnie’s were dry, resigned, deeply sad. Sam's voice grew harsher.

“Help me here, Bon. I don't understand what's going on.”

They were so close he could kiss her, if only he wanted to. She whispered so low he could barely hear her voice.

“She made me bury the baby.”

Sam seemed confused for one moment.

“What are you talking about?”  He asked as gently as he could, trying to encourage her to speak.  
She couldn’t move, or breath, or look him in the eyes.  
“Answer. Answer me. What the hell are you talking about?” He grabbed her chin, frustrated by her silence.  
“For Christ sake, speak. Are you delusional? Are you, Bonnie?” 

While he spoke, he started pushing her vehemently until her back was against the wall. Bonnie felt trapped like ten years before. She never wanted to feel that way again.

“SHE IS! She is delusional.”

Bonnie found the strength to scream at his face, then she let herself slide down the wall, sobbing quietly.  
He knelt in front of her and remained silent for a minute, or maybe ten. 

 

The sun was starting to go down, and they were almost in the dark now.

He spoke first. 

“What happened?”

Bonnie winced, like she wasn't expecting to hear Sam's voice again. She couldn't meet his eyes, not yet. She directed her gaze to her corduroys and drew concentric rings on them with her forefinger. That's when Sam noticed her hands were stained with blood and dirt, her fingernails were totally torn.

 “I was in the office, answering some e-mails. I hadn't seen Annalise in a while. I was about to call it a day and go home, when I heard my name.”

\-- 

 _“Bonnie?”_  
_“Annalise?”_  
_“Bonnie, are you there? Get over here, now.”_  
_“Annalise, where are you?”_  
_“Hurry. Please, hurry.”_

I rushed into the bedroom.  She was with her back to the door, sitting on her bed and moving as if she were cradling a baby. My skin started to crawl, but I forced myself to move. She had a blank look on her face and an empty bottle next to her. It was a while since... you know. She was holding a blanket in her arms, folded like there was a baby on the inside.

 _“You're here.”_  
_“I am.”_ _“He died, Bonnie. My baby died.”_  
_“I know. I'm sorry.”_

I didn't know what to do, she seemed in terrible pain. I thought maybe I should call you, but you were here with a patient, so... Annalise got up on her feet, trying so hard to balance herself. I stepped forward, I just wanted to do the right thing, to help her. I tried to take the blanket from her hands.

 _“Don't touch him! He's still warm, I can feel it.”_  
_“Annalise, the baby died a few months ago.”_  
_“No. No no no no._ _Don't lie to me.”_  
_“Annalise...”_  
_“Help me, Bonnie. He's gone.”_  
_“ … ”_  
_“I only have you. Please, help me.”_  
_“I will.”_

I'll never forget her face. She was impassioned, intense, roused. But her voice sounded relieved.

 _“Come with me.”_  
_“Where?”_  
_“Just come. We have to get it over with.”_

She made me run to the front yard. She kept saying to do that for her, to help her. It was broad daylight, I was terrified about being noticed by some neighbor. I wasn't doing anything wrong, I just... I didn't want anyone to see Annalise that way, holding that blanket, cradling it, yelling at me. I was forced to kneel on the grass, near the tree.

 _“Do it.”_  
_“But, Annalise...”_  
_“I said do it! Start digging!”_  
_“I don't have anything to dig with.”_  
_“Do it with your hands.”_  
_“No, please...”_

I just wanted it to be over soon. I started digging into the green turf, using only my hands. I was crying, too.

_“Why are you crying? You don't get to cry, Bonnie. I was the one who lost the baby and now I am the one to bury him. You just have to help get things done.”_

Then, she finally smiled.

\--

Sam was petrified. For once in his life, he had no answers. Bonnie raised her eyes and looked at him for the first time since he pushed her against the wall.

“Where is she now?”.

“I put her to bed. She's fine.” 

 

Bonnie left Sam's office and went to her desk. He followed her and for a few minutes stared at her packing up her things.

Sam felt sorry for the young girl in front of him. He always told Annie she wasn't fit to work for her, she was too frail, too vulnerable. Maybe he had been wrong the whole time. Bonnie was resilient, she had survived everything and managed to survive this, too. She had Annie's back, calmed her down, helped her overcome her crisis and now realized she had to leave. He couldn’t let her.

“You know it's been a year, today?”

She turned to him. She assumed he wouldn't speak to her again, to make it all easier.

“What?”

“It's been a year since we lost the baby. Today. You could tell she was doing fine, that nothing had changed. But she's broken, Bonnie. She still is, she'll ever be.”  


“Sam... I made my decision.”

“You can't leave her now. It's true she needs you. And you need her.” 

He got closer to her, took her hand into his and then grabbed her wrist. She tried to wriggle out, but he tightened his grip.

“I know you, Bonnie, I know this is exactly what you need. You like that, right? Someone who hold you tight? Someone who hurts you? Don't try to fight this, or deny it. You'll be lost without her.”

Bonnie’s pupils dilated, her heart rate increased. “It just hurts too much.”

“I know. It won't stop. She will hurt you, again and again, because that's what she does. But you're strong Bonnie, you can take this. You can handle anything. Do this for her.”

The girl slid out from his grip and walked to the front door. He followed her, still not resigned, thinking about what to say next, how to manipulate her. She was about to close the door behind her when she looked him in the eyes.

“Bonnie...”

“I won't do this for her. Or you. I'll do this for me.” 


End file.
